Am I getting in over my head thinking that I’ll be able to find my dream job online? The more I look and the more I research these things, the bleaker it all seems. Many “freelance writers” I find online who discuss freelance writing seem like people who hardly ever spend time away from their computers, like their entire lives revolve around blogging about stuff or whatever it is they do, and I’m not convinced they find it all that rewarding.
I don’t want that. What I want is to focus my writing on a single purpose. An advertising agency, for example, is the perfect start for me. I still haven’t heard back from Bill, the boss, and I can’t help but be dispirited by that. I sent him a follow-up email first thing this morning, hoping that he would see my persistence and let me know he hasn’t forgotten me, but no such luck. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll hear back. Perhaps not. I wish I weren’t so worked up about this position. I’m not quite the cream of the crop in my field, nor do I have any connections with that agency, or any other. The odds don’t seem in my favor, but I know I have the talent. What I lack is refinement. Haven’t had enough experience. I’m hungry for it though, and really want to pour myself into my profession, but I need the opportunity to get my foot through the door. And here I am, waiting for someone to give me that opportunity.
Maybe what I need to be thinking about is how to create that opportunity for myself, by myself. I was thinking that I should start a venture of my own. I’ve been thinking that for quite some time. It’s easy to think those kinds of things, much harder to work out the details and execute.
Ohhhh, I want to make something of myself so badly. I’m baby-stepping my way through life, which is fine in most cases, as long as I eventually get to where I need to be. However, I should at least be able to support myself financially by now. Many of my acquaintances are professionals. Some have been professionals for several years. I don’t have a job at all. I feel deficient because of this. I shouldn’t let myself feel that way because people move at their own pace and I happen to be a late bloomer, but it still bothers me. I want to be able to take care of myself and I want to earn a living doing what I’m passionate about. I want to be able to whole-heartedly call whatever it is I’m doing my PROFESSION. That’s my favorite word for job because it signifies something much bigger than a simple job. A profession is something you feel strongly about, so much so you gotta profess it, shout it out loud from the rooftops.
What I love is the creative process. I know that whatever I do must involve imagination and innovation and ideas. Nothing else will do. Thankfully, “creative process” is vague enough to include many things, but I think I can limit it to art and writing. I enjoy art. I enjoy looking at it and creating it — painting, namely. Art is fun for me. Writing though…writing is what I feel most strongly about. I have a very intimate relationship with words that is too deep to ignore. I’ve tried to abandon that relationship many times, but I always come back to it, and now I want to embrace it. I majored in English, after all. Why would any sane person ever major in English unless they were deeply bonded to it?
Well, I had proposed that Robyn & I start our own advertising agency. We know enough creative people that we could potentially make this work. Troy as videographer, Robyn as graphic designer, Christopher as illustrator, me as copywriter, of course (& maybe accountant too), John could be in charge of sales, etc. Robyn laughed the idea off, but I wasn’t joking. If only I could get people on board my team! There can’t be a team with only a single person.
Another possible venture could be starting my own publication. I could do both online and print. I dunno. There are a lot of possibilities, but the two I mentioned are the two that most interest me.
I’d entertained the idea of opening my own cafe, but that can come much later. I’ve thought about starting my own online business, selling a product, but what do I know about that?
What I do know is that I need to start making things happen for myself. I need to keep writing and keep figuring things out. Never stop doing. Stay focused and keep at it, and things will start to coalesce. Magic will happen.
I’m excited for it.